Stars for Your Scars
She’s been through so much in this life, like the rest of us,
she has a couple scars, but through perseverance and
prayer God eventually gave her stars. You see she never
really settled down when she was young. Mama was on
the move, travelling from city to city, country to country.
She had to sacrifice parts of her childhood but in return
got to travel the world and experience a life most kids
her age could only dream of.
Eventually she settled down. The flying in and out of cities
came to and end and so did being the only child. Seven years
later she now had a little sister. The little sister wasn’t quite
what she had hoped or anticipated for. She was too small to play
with and she seemed to take up all of mom and dads attention.
Years have gone by and still she stands, stronger than I could
ever have imagined her to. I guess she was destined to be strong
because she always speaks her mind even when her voice is trembling.
I’ve always admired that about her, she is real, she is raw and you
will rarely ever see her trying to fit in a square when clearly she was
meant to be in a circle. She’s a free spirit who’s love runs so deep
even the ocean would be jelous. You see her love for me is
There have been many times when I wasn’t worthy
of her love yet she gave it to me anyways.
There are nights when I cant sleep and need to to talk to her,
she’ll do her best to listen even if all she has to say is okay.
See there are parts of me that aren’t pretty too, things I’ve done
and been through and had to be brave enough to tell her. She never
judged me or looked at me in disgust. Instead she opened her arms
even wider and held onto me even tighter.
There have been times when my spirit has been weak and my
heart was falling into pieces. She never once turned her back on
me and told me to stop drowning her with my own endless little
dramas. You see the truth is she was probably drowning more than
I was and needed someone to lay of some of her bigger issues but she
never let it show.
She made a few choices herself, that really took her to a dark place
one in particular that shred her soul to tiny little shreds and left
her feeling empty and broken. No one will ever understand the
pain and guilt she must have felt. Yet she never played the victim
and shut down on life. She allowed her scars to heal, and though
they may never heal completely, she’ll never deny her mistakes
or try to hide her shame. She wears her invisible scars.
As life continues to unravel itself before her eyes, God gave her
a very good foundation for this life she is living and the greater
part of it she is yet to experience. God gave her a good partner
a man who is humble and hasn’t done a bad job at all being her
husband. Like all of us, he has his flaws too but the good outweighs
the bad by a milestone. She may not know it but I pray for her
family sometimes. I pray for her precious little bundle the most. He
was a blessing I never saw coming. I never really knew what love was
until I walked through the arrivals area at the airport and this little
wrapped up muffin was inside a blue blanket. His eyes were beaming
his skin was glowing. This little boy released emotions I never knew
existed inside of me. He made everything that wasn’t right in my life
at the time seem so small. Now that I am not with him my heart
yearns even more when I hear a baby cry, or see a little baby with his
mommy and sometimes even when I walk past a baby store.
Yes this is truly love, it's a deep and unpredictable kind of love
it just grows stronger and stronger everyday. You see, she is not
just some character with a story. She is my sister. She is my friend.
My love for her has changed. I never knew she would end up
being one of the most important people in my life. After my
mom suffered from bipolar, I had no one. My mum was my best
friend and she knew everything about me. Losing her was like
losing a piece of my soul, a part of my identity was ripped apart
and she left without even saying goodbye. I miss the person my
mama used to be though she is still here physically, mentally she
is not the same person.
My sister not only managed to fill that space up but she also taught me
how to love myself and be a little bit independent. It wasn’t an easy
lesson for me to master but now I can safely and confidently say that
while my sister does share a big chunk of my life and is an important
person only God now holds the piece to the other half of my heart.
Only God now holds the keys to my soul. I may not be the perfect
Christian but I understand and have accepted God’s love for me.
This love is unconditional and should life take away my sister I
Know that one day, I will find the will to live again because her
Spirit will go on forever and her love will now be in the form of
God’s love. I wish I had mastered this lesson with my mom, that
Way I wouldn't feel so torn about it. But its never too late, and slowly
But surely I am learning to accept the person she is today, not
The person I would want her to be.
So here’s to you Ms Chavela_M, may you never forget your
Roots, and please know that you really are something special
To me. I thank God as much as I possibly can for all that you are
Here’s to a strong and better version of you. Had you not gone
Through everything you went through growing up (and yes even
the most painful experiences) you would certainly not be the
woman you are today or be living the kind of life you are
living. God still has more stars for every single little and big
star that you bear. So the bigger the scar, always and always
remember, the bigger the star.